Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
