Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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