party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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