babies were throwing up all over the place
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
