We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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