I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
