Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i've created a new STD.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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