i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Damn victory sex feels great
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
