Duck Duck Cougar?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
