those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
