it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
