god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The adults are the big ones right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
