got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
