she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
