Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize