You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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