he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
