alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
