i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And then he peed in my hair
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