Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
