Jerry, you need to find god
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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