i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
