Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize