drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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