brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
