i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
