He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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