Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize