This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
