I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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