Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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