Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
