i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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