there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
