Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
