My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this boner is exhausting
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
