you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
