Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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