I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
