He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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