OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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