Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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