i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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