On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
as a side note pls kill me
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