Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
