im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
