I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
