Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
