2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
where are my eyebrows?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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