What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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