HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
