So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
