I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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