If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
