i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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