Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
