Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
