Yo dont text me then not text me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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