It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
