He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
