I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
