I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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