fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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