I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize