I looked at my own cervix.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
