all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
