I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize