I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
