you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
