dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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