Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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