I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
