So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
