I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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