my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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