I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize